Saturday, 26 January 2013

God's gift of love


Assalamualaikum and Salam Sejahtera...

My heart wants me to write something about heart. Not my heart, but the general things about it. I can’t really write about my heart because sometimes I caught in confusion, I don’t really know what I want, what my heart want. I have 3 part of myself. My heart, my mind and my guts. Most of the time, what my heart want, is not the same as what my mind and my guts want. That is why making decision in life become so hard. All 3 part of me is always against each other. Maybe there are some people in this world, who can make decision in a short time and the one that they chose, lead them to a happy result. 


I know I’m not a good person to talk about heart and feelings but I just wanna share my thoughts, my perspectives and what my crude heart wanna say. Allah made us, created us, the human beings as the most exquisite-perfect creature of all time. Better than the sun, the moon, the ocean, the animals, the galaxy, better than everything else around us. We stand here, live under His bless and permission. All of our body parts are gift from Him. Not really a gift, we actually borrow all this. From the hair until toes, brain, blood veins, bloods, nerve cells, everything is actually belongs to Him, The Most Gracious and Most Merciful. Not to mention different finger prints, different ethnicity, different physical figure, and plenty of differences that will take me some time to list all that. But what I wanna share is, different ways in expressing your hearts and feelings. 

Angry, sad, in love, jealous, calm, happy, alive, understanding, peaceful, reliable, open, confident, furious. This is just few examples of feelings that a human beings have. It comes naturally, without we expect it to be there. Someone who is madly in love with their partner, they can get jealous if there any third party that come in their life. This is where, most of the human can’t really hide. If the third party walk into your relationship with an intention to fight for your throne, then it’s good to feel jealous. But let say, the third party is just a friend to your partner but an opposite gender. They know for quite a long time and they could be neighbour or classmate in the past and now a colleague at their workplace. No intention to get your relation collapse. How will you react in that situation? This is where the wonderful of human can be seen. For those who react possessively, this is one big problem. They are just friend, and your partner’s friend have no intention in bringing your relationship down, what jealousy stands for here? Some people they feel insecure with this situation, they can’t think properly and ends up, argument happen that lead to fractures the relationship. For those who can deal with this and take everything positively, I’m sure you’ll get standing ovation from those who can’t. The same thing goes to any other feelings that we experience. Patience and trust, that’s what matter here.

Some people they can just hide their feelings, hide what they feels. They can act normal even when they mad, sad, grief, jealous and etc. This actually works on some people, but it’s not good for your own self-development. If you are on therapy, don’t do this. It kills your heart cruelly, and diminishes your future slowly. I think this is where I stand. I hardly showed that I’m mad or angry. But you can see clearly when I’m sad. But when it comes to jealous and angry, I’m good at hiding and pretending. I can be an easy going boyfriend, because I hardly get jealous. But never try to make me jealous, the effect will be extraordinary. 
There’s one more feeling that I’m good at hiding. A thousand inside feelings hidden behind a smile..That’s when I’m in love. Ahhhhhhh it’s been a while. But you can go find someone you like, flirt for few months, express all your feelings and next, you’re already in a relationship. That's life. Single is not that bad. There are pros and cons. Best thing about being single? No drama, no fighting, no crying, no feeling, no confusion, no worries, and no problem.Same thing happen to live in a relationship. The worse ever situation when you live as a single person is when you’re lonely. This is really not a good circumstance. Everything popped out and you’ll feel sad. But if you live as a person in a relationship, the worse situation is when you have to treat your girlfriend or boyfriend most of the time without hurting anyone around you. And that sounds a lot harder that loneliness. That’s why I’m here, looking and waiting for the right one. I don’t want to have a boyfriend but at last, he’s just a label of rebound.

Choosing lover is another hard thing to do. You might gain many fan, you might meet thousands of admirer who likes you secretly. But to find one as a lover, it is hard. That’s why when you to choose one among your options, you need to make the right one. That’s where you need your family and some people that you can trust to be with you, ask for their opinions and their thoughts towards your choice. Introduce your choice to them because they are the people that always be with you no matter what happen. They deserved to know your choice. Parent, count their thought in. Their blessing is the most important here. Count everything that they say, they think, they see. And you yourself, choose wisely. Choosing lover is not the same as you choose your cat. When there still times, use it. Because if you already choose, you have to face every possibilities. They might be the one to make you happy until the end of time. And they might else well, be the one who break your heart again and I’m pretty sure if your heart break again, love will become a new phobia to you. I’m not good at this, but this is what I’m doing now. May Allah guide me to the right person, amin. 

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah, lagi Maha Mengasihani

Allahumma inni a'udzubika minal hammi wal-hazan 

Ya Allah, aku mohon dijauhkan sedih & gelisah

wa a'udzubika minal 'ajzi wal kasali

dan aku mohon jauhkan dari gopoh & malas

wa a'udzubika minal jubni wal bukhli

dan jauhkan dari menjadi penakut & kedekut

wa a'udzubika min ghalabatid dayni

dan jauhkan dari belenggu hutang

wa qahrir rijal

dan paksaan orang lain


English translation: I seek refuge with Allah from grief and distress, old age and laziness, miserliness and cowardice. I seek Your Refuge from the burden of being in debt and from being overcome by men

Amin amin ya rabbal alamin 

P/S : Love is not wrong as long as we control our desires. That's God's gift of love. We can handle it :) because a perfect relationship isn’t actually perfect at all, it consists of two people who NEVER give up on each other despite any hurt or pain. Life is a mirror and will reflect back to the thinker what he thinks into it.
By : Nur Azira Jusoh

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